A found happiness and health come from our relationships… if we are surrounded by people who love and care for us, all aspects of our health will be more stable. This makes sense, because humans are ‘relational beings’. We seek belonging – to be nurtured and protected by people who we can also care for. In a supportive environment people feel less alone, less anxious, and less fearful about life. We know how to reach out for support before things get too bad, and we’re able to bounce back from adversity.
Do we need good relationships to underpin our mental health, or does good mental health ensure healthy relationships? Which comes first?
The quality of our relationships matter.
Everyone has moments when relationships with friends, work colleagues, family or partners can hit a problem. But if things continue badly over time, we can become distressed, lonely and disconnected, even in the midst of a group. We know that continuing conflict between adults in a household with children, will not only cause stress for the adults but also negatively affect the children’s wellbeing and normal development.
Relationships ending can have a devastating impact on mental health. Loneliness and isolation are major risks after a relationship breakdown, when older children leave the family home, or the death of a partner. This can happen following loss of a job and periods of unemployment, when daily, positive and purposeful connections diminish. Social isolation can be a particularly common experience for older people confronting many of these issues all at once.
In situations of domestic violence (DV) when one person uses tactics of fear and intimidation to control another, the victim’s ability to make and sustain positive relationships can be undermined. DV seriously affects the physical safety and social and mental wellbeing of victims. Children and young people witnessing violence are affected, and may leave home early before they have adequate resources to manage independence. People who use violence can sometimes have mental health issues and addictive behaviours that need addressing.
The quality of our mental health matters
Just as the way we live our relationships affects mental wellbeing, mental distress in turn, affects our relationships.
When we struggle with anxiety, depression, or mood swings, we often have less interest or energy for our loved ones. We find it hard to participate in activities that connect us and easier to withdraw into ourselves. For couples, one person may become distant and the balance of mutual support may be lost for a while. People experiencing mental health issues can feel shame and self-blame, leading to negative thoughts that are the enemy of closeness and connection.
Safe and healthy relationships with friends, family and colleagues protect us in times of adversity, change and uncertainty. They also help us recover from illness and despair.
We need relationships to maintain our mental health, and good mental health to sustain our relationships. Beautifully, they go hand in hand.
