“And so I said, yes. I said, yeah, go for it.
Wear the dress.
Even though I was feeling so deeply uncomfortable.
And immediately this enormous joy just erupted on his face and he put it on.
And we had one of the best days of my life as a dad”.
Author of My Shadow is Pink and TikTok superstar Scott Stuart talks to Maggie Dent on THE GOOD ENOUGH DAD in a truly enlightening, raw and emotional conversation that all parents and carers need to hear – The Good Enough Dad with Maggie Dent – LiSTNR Podcasts or here is here
Children’s book author Scott Stuart wrote a book for his son called My Shadow is Pink all about his son’s love of dresses. He wrote the book to start conversations and allow greater acceptance of all the ways our children can express themselves. But walking the walk wasn’t always easy. Scott talks to Maggie about his own hang ups about gender identity and how he overcame them
- Scott learnt moving around to many different schools that rules around masculinity was were ridiculous and all made up! 3’50 Scott Stuart: And so there was this ongoing pattern of the thing that I was supposed to do to be a man and to be a boy and to fit in, you know. Three months later, when I changed schools, it was a completely new and different rule.And so some of those rules, I realised just how ridiculous they were when I was young.
- Even though it made him feel intensely uncomfortable Scott allowed his son to wear a dress 10’43 Scott Stuart: And so in that moment when he was asking whether he could wear this dress, I had that anchor in the back of my mind saying, well, you said you’d let him be whoever he wants to be. And so I said, yes. I said, Yeah, go for it. Wear the dress. Even though I was feeling so deeply uncomfortable. And immediately this enormous joy just erupted on his face and he put it on. And we had one of the best days of my life as a dad.
- The challenging question that really stumped author Scott Stuart 16’54 Scott Stuart: He comes out with these really challenging questions like, Dad, why have I never seen you cry? And .. which was really challenging to me because I am the guy who weeps every time he watches Titanic. I had to realise I do cry to media, but I don’t cry about real life. Real life. I hold everything inside.
- He may have written a book about acceptance, but stepping out in a dress was still terrifying for Scott Stuart 33’22 Scott Stuart: I remember when he wanted to dress up as Elsa to go to the cinema and it was one of the first real times that he was going out in public in this Elsa dress. And he asked me to dress up with him. And I was beyond terrified to step out in public in this Elsa dress, like we’d had a couple of dances around together in the lounge room. But I was so terrified to go out there with him. And I expressed that to him. And he fed a lot of my own words back to me.
Full transcript available.
There are 5.4 million dads* in Australia and for LiSTNR’s new original podcast series, The Good Enough Dad, famed parenting educator, author, and champion of boys and men, Maggie Dent talks to some of them about their wins, challenges and stuff-ups, proving along the way that being “good enough” is exactly what our kids need.
In another interview, Maggie speaks with well-known dad, Michael Ray about becoming an older, solo dad and the prejudices men can experience.
- Michael has been challenged for taking photos of his own child 7’18 Michael Ray: I’ve been challenged for taking photos of Charlie at a park. Two women politely confronted me, wanted to know why I was taking photos of that child. And then when I said it was actually my daughter, they asked me to prove it.
- He will also be cautious about helping other children in case people read the wrong thing into it 7’44 Michael Ray: So when I see a little child at a shopping centre and I can’t figure out who they’re with, I’m actually hesitant to go up and ask the child if they’re lost for fear of being confronted. So I’ll actually send Charlie up to ask a kid, where’s their mum, if they look a little bit lost. And I know I shouldn’t, but you can’t help but feel a little bit awkward around it. The same with, um, you know, very hesitant with other people’s children, just in case somebody is watching for something that isn’t there.
- The best tip Michael learnt from his own dad about fatherhood 10’05 Michael Ray: My dad wouldn’t give me advice, but he would ask me questions. And I’ve tried to maintain that with Charlie. So the majority of dads that I observe, they’re big on the what and the how and the why is the last thing to come in. My dad was big on the why. Well, why do you want to do that? Why does it matter? And then, does it still make sense?
- Why dads need to show kids their emotions 15’21 Michael Ray: You’re setting your kids up to not realise that these things in life are meaningful and moving, and they’re meant to be emotional. You’re meant to embrace it. It’s normal. It’s not. It’s not abnormal. So, you know, our children need to see us get emotional and then recover from it.
- Maggie Magic 20’20 Maggie Dent: I think that’s a big message for all dads, is that, you know, you’re going to have days, you’re just going to feel guilty because it didn’t go to plan. But you’re still a good enough dad because we don’t want any perfection in this place because it’s really, that’s not life.
- Why Michael went back to university at 56 21’58 Michael Ray: Rather than trying to want me to be better or to have more. If I want Charlie to be better or to be more, then it’s up to me to be better and be more so, at 56 into university I went as a mature aged student to start studying developmental psychology. Now Charlie’s seeing that and the little rascal has forced me to actually be better.
- Why you shouldn’t give unsolicited advice to dads in front of their kids 26’43 Michael Ray: You’ve got to be really careful when you give that unsolicited advice in front of children. It brings dad down in the children’s eyes. It makes mum the expert and it just shouldn’t, shouldn’t happen. We wouldn’t accept a male giving a female advice on leadership or workplace or any of the new areas that women have rightfully ventured into.
